MP5K and UMP demonstrate HK's commitment to accuracy and reliability

An open letter to the gun community from HK’s marketing department:

In a world of compromises, some people put the bullets in the magazine backwards…But it doesn’t matter, because our gun is on the cover of the Rainbow Six video games. Look how cool that SEAL coming out of the water looks… If you buy a $2,000 SOCOM, you will be that cool of an operator too. And chicks will dig you.

At HK, we stuck a piston on an AR15, just like a bunch of other companies have done, dating back to about 1969. However ours is better, because we refuse to sell it to civilians. Because you suck, and we hate you.

Our XM8 is the greatest rifle ever developed. It may melt, and it doesn’t fit any accessories known to man, but that is your fault. If you were a real operator, you would love it. Once again, look at Rainbow Six, that G36 sure is cool isn’t it? Yeah, you know you want one.And by the way, check out our new HK45. We decided that humans don’t need to release the magazine with their thumbs. If you were a really manly teutonic operator, you would be able to reach the controls. Plus we’ve fired 100,000,000 rounds through one with zero malfunctions, and that was while it was buried in a lake of molten lava, on the moon. If you don’t believe us, it is because you aren’t a real operator.

By the way, our cheap, mass-produced, stamped sheet metal guns like the G3 and MP5 are the bestest things ever, and totally worth asinine scalpers prices, but note that cheap, mass-produced, stamped sheet metal guns from other countries are commie garbage. Not that it matters, because you’re civilians, so we won’t sell them to you anyway. Because you suck, and we hate you, but we know you’ll be back. We can beat you down like a trailer park wife, but you’ll come back, you always do.

Buy our stuff.


HK Marketing Department

In FictionEdit


HK guns all wear distinctive uniforms, different from the standard Seishou Academy one. The uniforms vary depending on age, but the ones worn by G3 and the various HK SMGs have a darker color scheme. Additionally, all of them wear black tights, corresponding to the tendency for HK to make their guns completely black

Upotte!! by Kitsune Tennouji
Seishou Academy Battle Rifles

M14 - FN FAL L1A1 - HK G3A3 - AR10 - LF 59

Assault Rifles

FN FNC - Colt M16A4 - Colt M4A1 - SIG SG550 - L85A1 - Armalite AR18 - IMI Galil AR - SAKO RK 95 TP - HK HK33E - Steyr AUG - T91 - CETME Modelo L - FARA 83 - FN CAL - H&K41 - HK G41 - HK G36 - SAR-21 - Tavor - SR 88A


Benelli M3

Sub machine guns

HK MP5 - IMI Uzi - Beretta M12S - Steyr TMP - MAC 10 - Jatimatic/"Cobra" - Colt M635 - FAMAE SAF - FN P90 - H&K UMP - HK HK53 - HK MP5K - HK MP5SD - HK MP7 - Hotchkiss "Type Universal" - MAT 1949 - MAS 1948 - Star Z84 - Sterling Mk4 - Walther MPL


Modern Lit - M1928 Thompson - FG 42 - Springfield - M1 Garand - MP40 - Mle.1949 - SIG Sk46 - M3 submachine gun - M1941 Johnson - Suomi M1926 - Armaguerra OG44 - Springfield - Professor

Akaganekou Battle Rifles / DMR /Other

SVD - PSL - RPK - Saiga 12K - Vintorez VSS - OSV96 - "The Major"

Assault Rifles

AK-74 - AK47 - AKM - AKS-74U - AN-94 - HK32 - Kbk wz.88 Tantal - M70 B1 - Maadi Misr - vz. 58 - SKS - Type 63 - Type 86S

Sub machine guns

PP-19 Bizon


Howa Type 64 - Howa Type 89 - Curly - Beretta BM59 - Beretta SC70/90 - Benelli M4 - Fanchi SPAS12 - FAMAS - FN FAL - Type 10 - Leopard 2 - Beretta ARX 160 - "Bakemono"